Because I love to turn mental disorders into prose. Also Games.


When we last left Jericho, he was abandoning his quest for a talking weapon to go fight in the arena. Not exactly the noblest of paths, I suppose. But it’s a start. People need a hero, right? So why don’t I just go kill the old one. So I went to my house, fiddled around with my (poorly) arranged collection of (two) goblin totems.

I get to down, unload my horse’s goods, mush some stuff together for potion-cash and then head to the arena. I arrived at the city in the morning, but when I get to the arena, after all my running around, it’s closed. *Facepalm* Stupid flow of time. Why can’t I ever schedule things right. So I wander over to my buddies who are always sparring all the time.

A very interesting opportunity presents itself whenever I first visit these two sparring champs.

You see, I’m a fan of punching things to death, and in a chest belonging to these two exists an item that appears to be made for only thieves to obtain.

They’re called “The Bands of Kwang Lao”, and they’re high on the list of items I love in this game. Of course, to get them, you must steal them.

I ponder this while I look at their chest, then realize they’d be useless in the arena, and walk off. Ohai. It’s time to fight!

I go chat with a few people and discover that the current champ is in need of some help. Huh. Don’t I have to kill this guy at some point? Yeah, probably do. I note the quest and get ready to kill someone. I’ma go up a few ranks today, that’s for sure.

I made it to brawler a while ago, so I start from match one of there. The first guy has a nasty habit of disappearing, but through the usual block and counter, I knock him the yonk out.

Next are some…twin wood elves? Oh boy. I can hardly contain my excitement.
Sheezus! The people in the arena are FAST today! One gets up close and personal while the other shoots from afar. I manage to disarm close-elf and, in the interests of fair fighting, I switch to hand-to-hand as well. She has a high rate of paralyzing me and then kicking me in the nuts when I’m down. I also keep getting shot at. She starts running circles around me (Seriously! Why are people so damn FAST in the arena?!) and with one lucky palm attack, I nail her and she dies. Sissy’s not gonna be happy.

I, being the hilariously fair gent I am, switch to bow and arrow and start plugging her face up. She goes down a lot faster than her sister does (Bow-chicka-wow-wow…wait. no. *Slaps self* Bad gamegeneral) and I win. Holy crap that sucked.

Next is a heavy-weapons kahjiit. So I’m breaking out the scythe, naturally. After this one, I rank up. Now, I was told that this one wasn’t a quick one. Wrong. Arena’s pumping caffeine into my opponents or something. I make short work of him, though, since he can’t block to save his life (Literally) and right near the end, the axe flies from his hands (I couldn’t find it afterwards, so I’m hoping it went right into the face of some unsuspecting arena-goer.) I pop him two in the head and he goes down. Game over, catman. I’m a bloodletter now.

Next is a Redguard who started out boring, but as soon as I disarmed him, he started closelining me at 80 miles per hour! Every time, they’d knock me right down. I kept fighting fair and manage to be beat him only by jumping and punching him in the head at the same time. Over. And over. And over. Not even power punches. Just regular old knock-on-woods.

The fight ends unhilariously and I am told my next opponent is a heavily armored wasp. Oh wait. It’s a person. Right, Similes. Gotcha. Well, like all the others, she runs circles around me while I swat at her. I use my scythe, which is a really poor choice, considering she can block, but I still whack at her anyways. I kill her while running which lands her a faceplant into the wall and a shield that disappears into the crowd. Some lucky kid’s getting a bloody aegis tonight. Hopefully they don’t charge extra for the nightmares!

Next guy’s a dark elf who plays long and short ball. I mean he uses a bow and a shield. I’m tired of dicking around, so I just bring the scythe again. He starts out shooting me and I start out by hacking away at his stupid haircut. He switches to his sword and shield and his block is so puny that I cut right through it. Truly this is how the gods felt in battle. He flops over, haircut and all, and I go back downstairs to the bloody fountain for my next round.

Apparently I’ve become a myrmidon. Don’t know what that is. Maybe it’s like a narwhal. Anyways, I decide that’s enough arena-ing for one day and decide to take up the Grey Prince’s offer on going to that one fort. First I put my clothes back on.

Right. Most of them. I don’t care, Jericho likes the breeze on his chest.

I hop on my horse and ride west, expecting a looooong trip.

17 responses

  1. Stalking your blog makes me happy. Following Jericho makes me even happier. Noticing you have no comments makes me sad.
    P.S. Oh hai. No, you don’t know me. But I may possibly be a fellow associate of fullglassemptyclip.

    August 31, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    • Seeing someone who took the time to comment makes me happy :D
      And yeah, I peruse Fgec.
      Thanks for the comment.

      September 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

      • Fgec?
        That’s an awesome abbrieviation :D
        And yes. You seem a little comment-sparse over ‘ere

        September 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

      • It’s about as equally awesome as fgsfds which has no meaning whatsoever as far as I know.

        And as for the comments, hey, what can ya do besides keep trying to make people laugh.
        There did seem to be a view-spike when you commented, though :D

        September 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

      • I’ll reply to this, seen as there’s no reply button for the comment I actually want to reply to:
        FGSFDS? Eh?
        I suppose I’ll now end up thinking of some “hilarious” things that could be abbriviating. Note the speech marks. They are necessary.
        As for the view spike – well – I’ll keep commenting. Soon that view spike shall become a hill of views. AND THEN A FUCKING PLATEAU! BRING THE ON PLATEAU!

        September 2, 2010 at 1:17 pm

      • The best one I heard for FGSFDS was “For God’s Sake, Fuck Dat Shit!”
        I does appreciate the traffic :D

        September 2, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      • Ahh..I will use that. And they’ll never know what I mean!
        I does appriciate the traffic too..oh..hang on..

        September 2, 2010 at 1:33 pm

      • Lol, I’d share if I could! Maybe there’s a way to partner blogs on this?

        September 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

      • Oh non, that was just my way of trying to get some-sorta-commenta-offa you. It worked, clearly :D
        How many views do you get per day over here?

        September 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      • Usually? Like 5. But it’s gone up in the last week. Also skyrocketed tuesday. Hows about you?

        September 2, 2010 at 1:55 pm

      • So what did it hit Tuesday?
        And, well, it generally averages about 20. But I’ve had a couple of 40’s, and, well, on one special day, 356 :P
        So why no comments, I ask you XD I even allow anon comments!
        Oy! What’s a blogger to do!

        September 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

      • Mine hit about 22 on tuesday.
        I don’ think I even posted on tuesday :o

        September 2, 2010 at 2:13 pm

      • Ah. I has sorta spiked your spike there.
        Nonetheless. Keep posting about Oblivion and it will build :D

        September 2, 2010 at 2:14 pm

      • Oblivion and other things :D
        Apparently people REALLY LIKE oblivion, though.
        I must apply this logic to other things when I finish with oblivion!

        September 2, 2010 at 2:19 pm

      • You must indeed. Also, if you keep blogging about Oblivion, I, at least, will dance a happy dance.
        You want people to dance a happy dance don’t’cha? Of course!
        I want to turn some aspect of Oblivion into something on my blog, but there’s so much Oblivion stuff…I feel it’d be a little too generic. Ah well.
        I’m playing through Oblivion at the moment though, again. Jesus. Will the side-quests never stop being new?

        September 2, 2010 at 2:21 pm

      • I know the feeling. Alas, I must depart for the day! Perhaps tomorrow we will see the dawn of a new post in oblivion! Or, perhaps, somewhere else, even.

        September 2, 2010 at 2:23 pm

      • Splendid, splendid..
        Bye bye

        September 2, 2010 at 2:33 pm

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