Because I love to turn mental disorders into prose. Also Games.

Biosingularity

I’m going to be brief about this review, so don’t expect any wonders of literary criticism.

Singularity is set in post-cold war Russia on a small island off the coast near the Bering strait. Except it’s not really, because once you get inside it, you get sent back in time and screw the pooch so hard it puts Mother Russia in control of the globe. Apparently, being the nice guy you are, when you go back in time, you rescue some guy who turns out to be the king of all Jackasses. What Hitler would have wanted to be had he not been so caught up in the whole Aryan race thing. This guy meets you again some 30 years in the future (You disappear right after saving him) and his first idea for thanking you is to shoot your partner in the face and then point a gun at you. Fortunately  you’re some kind of messianic hero because your name got dropped in the past and then you’ve got to go and fix all the shit you messed up in the past by fixing shit in the future.

Anyways, there are mutants. Yeah, apparently the technology that allows them to travel through time has bad side effects on living creatures. Like, either they melted away due to rapid aging (Think “Raiders of the Lost Ark” ending in fast motion) or turned into some kind of raging phase-shifting zombie creatures. They come in all different flavors of pain and have a taste for your time-traveling ass. And Russians, but they like you better.

You’ve got some tricks too. Right after cocking everything up, you’re sent to go get some good Russian doctor’s toy, the Time Manipulation Device, or TMD, which, despite the fact that the guy who came up with it is Russian, decided that a dorky American abbreviation would sound cooler than a Russian name. Anyways, you get this thing and while you gleefully decide what you’re going to break and unbreak, learn that it only works on things made with the element that powers the device.

Whoops. Forgot to mention that part, did you advertising department? Though when you think about it, it helps explain why EVERYTHING ON THE GODDAMN ISLAND IS MUTATED. Seriously. They make their FOOD CRATES out of it. Not that there wasn’t enough of the shit in their food anyways, due to those crazy Russians testing it on the children.

Now, I like the game, it’s just not as fun as I hoped. It feels like Bioshock more than anything else. Mainly because you could mod some time-control plasmids into that game and have a similar time. Just replace Rapture’s Sweat-of-your-brow talks with Communist propaganda, ADAM with E99 and splicers with mutants. Leaves it feeling very bland and when you make this connection, it gets a little less fun. I was also reminded of Half-Life in a few parts, namely the ones that have me sneaking past a GIANT TENTACLE CLAW THING. Actually just the one. I’m stuck there now and I can’t get past it. Not for lack of trying, but I had the brilliant idea that my Deadlock power (Creates a sphere that freezes everything it touches in time, except the player) could stop it. My impaled face disagrees.

All in all, I’d recommend the game as a rent, maybe a buy if it’s on sale for half price or more. Until then, try working on those bioshock time-control mods. Time better spent there, I tell you.

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